Bread jokes

What do royals and hot dogs have in common?

They're usually in bread.

How are giants and strippers alike?

They both grind men's bones to make their bread.

What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?

They become in-bread.

She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.

Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

The bartender says, "No bread here."

And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.

Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.

He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.

Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.

Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.

Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.

Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

Roses are red.

Roses are red.

Roses are red.

I smell burnt toast.

Bread?

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.

The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!

I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.

The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.

Fun fact: Toasters were originally called tanning breads!

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

I'm so poor that I had to rob a food bank for a loaf of bread.

I knead bread.

Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?