Body Image jokes

Yo mama so fat, she said the N-word!

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

Yo mama so skinny, she choked on a SINGLE STRAND OF SPAGHETTI!

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

Yo Mama so fat, she has a Twinkie inside of a Twinkie inside of her fat ass motherfucking belly button!

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!

Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.

Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.

Me: I can only see fat.

Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.

The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."

What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.