You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
