Blind jokes

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.

Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?

Exactly, cuz she's a woman.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

Who is the blindest person in the world?

A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."

I have no idea how he knew.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

Why is the blind kid popular?

He can't see the middle fingers.

She asked:

"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

Q: How do you punish a blind person?

A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

How did the blind boy's parents punish him?

Rearrange the furniture.

What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?

Chlamydia.

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"

What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?

Names.

Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.