Blind jokes

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?

Fill her closet with see-through clothes.

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...

...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.

What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?

Nothing.

What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?

"Hello, ladies!"

How do you punish a blind kid?

Move to a new house.

You walk inside a building, then you see a blind German, then you call him his name.

Answer: Nazi.

Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?

She has.

I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.

A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.

He yells, "Hello ladies!"

"I spy with my little eye..."

- Noting I am blind -

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

Why could the blind man not see?

Answer: Because he is blind.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.

This for you roman y e e e nt

Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

How do you surprise a blind guy?

Say, "Surprise!"