Blind jokes
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...
...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
Wanda and Daredevil have so much in common.
They both wear red, they're both in Marvel, and they both lost their Vision!
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Jesus got a revival
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
How do you punish a blind kid?
Move to a new house.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
You walk inside a building, then you see a blind German, then you call him his name.
Answer: Nazi.
Have you ever walked into Helen Keller’s house?
She has.
I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.
A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.
He yells, "Hello ladies!"
"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?
"Good Lord, this is fun!"
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.
Why could the blind man not see?
Answer: Because he is blind.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”