Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Birth Jokes
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
Me being raped is like my birth certificate; it doesn't expire.
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
In America, mom births you.
In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.
The thing my mom birthed.
What do emos use as birth control?
Their personalities!
It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.
You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.
I bet when you were born, the doctor looked away because of your virginity.
Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
