Birth jokes

Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?

Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.

What day is Labor Day?

It's the day mommies have their babies.

Your mom was born in a dumpster, as well as you.

Were you born on a highway? Because that is where most mistakes happen.

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

Is your mom a virgin?

Mine is.

How am I alive?

You tell me.

Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.

You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

Me being raped is like my birth certificate; it doesn't expire.

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.

All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.

Heavier babies are delivered by crane.

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.

The thing my mom birthed.

What do emos use as birth control?

Their personalities!

It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.