Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
Is that a bird? Is that a plane? ITS A PLANE
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
The early bird might get the worm...
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
what do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? bay-gulls
It’s a bird.
It’s a plane.
Oh, shit it is a plane!
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.
He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.
What do you call a bird orgy?
No bird control.
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?
The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)
The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)
Thanks for reading this...bye!
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
