Bird jokes
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"
Why are eagles 🦅 bald? Because they don’t wear wigs.
What can fly?
Bird.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather? A brrrrrrrr-d!
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
What animal should wear a wig? A bald eagle!
One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."
Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
My cock, lmao.
What did the duck eat for lunch?
Soup and quackers.
What's the difference between a duck?
I like penguins.