Bird jokes
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?
Cat-egories.
Get it?
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?
To prove that he was not chicken.
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
Why couldn’t anyone see the bird?
Because it was in da skies.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
They didn't have a category for Bald, so I chose the Bald Eagle.
Did you know that bald people have an endless forehead?
2001, Angry Birds was so amazing. Over 500 people in 2 birds.
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
What did the duck eat for lunch?
Soup and quackers.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
I had an animal pun contest today. He started off by saying something. I don’t remember.
Then I replied, “TOUCAN play that game.” He went silent, and my other friend barged in and said, “Don’t you think he’s CHICKENing out?” I said, “Yeah, just stop HORSING around!” He came back with one, and I ended it by saying, “Ok, let’s MOOOOOve on cow.”
Welp, that’s it.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.