Newest Better Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb? 9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb

mine is better

How life is going right now
My Car
Money
Me
Work

Me trying everyday

My parents yelling
at me to do better:
imgflip.com
Me literally breaking
myself to please them:

I told a Chinese man, which is better, Cats or dogs. He said dogs. I say why? He said because dogs tasted better Than cats

didn't fall for number 6 7 and 5

10 THINGS I KNOW
ABOUT YOU:
1) You are reading this
2) You are human
3) You can't say the letter "P" without
separating your lips
4) You just tried to do it
6) You are laughing at yourself
7) You have a smile on your face and you
skipped number 5
8) You just checked to see if there is a
number 5
9) You laugh at this because you are an
idiot (but everyone else does it too, if
that makes you feel any better)
10) You are going to repin this to see
who else falls for it

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little
bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the
Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids
on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am
trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire
US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another
target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of
which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my
fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that
shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we
speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across
the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better
prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the
pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead,
kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over
seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands.
Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I
have access to the entire arsenal of the United States
Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your
miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If
only you could have known what unholy retribution your
little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you,
maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you
couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you
goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown
in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

2020:

Why emo grass is better then normal grass? Emo grass gonna cut themself

It's even better when they get charged by a 19 yo with a funny boom boom stick

Germans in WW1 watching as a giant
toaster with guns is slowly approaching
them.
0
OH NO
O

Throw the bed sheet or better yet, throw the entire bed out

i was eating a toaster strudel in bed
and dropped it. no way my wife is
gonna believe that story
ifunny.co

Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats. My dog is named curiosity, and your cat is dead

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning. Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers

You so ugly whenever you say hi to so when they walk away and say that you were too ugly and they go take a bath right away cuz you so stinky and they say that you look like your mama wait your Mama must be either just like you because I can see her way from a mile You say you put on perfume but every time I spell you you feel like you poo poo you're so ugly that when your mom look in the mirror you cry you're so stupid the second grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten Head start every grade below you you can't even go to 20 grade stands for 9th grade you can't even go to grocery stores and people that tell you that you're so ugly they give you compliments just to make you feel better you know that everybody just like you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings so just stay in your mind hey you want to text Matt you know it was you because every time you see you you think that you matter fact he doesn't even like it for you he just want your money girl who even like you 😈😈

So there’s this air purifier in my room right, and it’s really noisy so I unplugged it to sleep better and sure enough I fell asleep faster, so I came to the conclusion if I unplug noisy machines people will sleep better. It worked really well in my local hospital