My wife says s*x is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."
- Joe Biden. (A.K.A Pedo Peter.)
Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream
q: what are women better than men at doing
a: winning arguments
q: what are men better than women at doing
a: winning swimming titles
These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean seriously haven't you got something better to tell
So your wife has died and now she is marginally better in bed than before. If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
dude missisipi got a better kd ratio than you
What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics? WALKING!
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry. Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
So my ex who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though will has a better haircut then me but anyway when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat. Then I told her she has the wendys logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit I was done Anyways she cried lol
Roses are Red, you have a nice lip, it would look better, if it was on my TIT.
Dark..Humor :)
What's the difference between a Pig and a Police officer.
The Pig smells better
Dear Orphans, I have a better orphanage for you, Its my basement :)
You are so blind even a spider can see better than you
why is it better to date an orphan...
their parents are never home
Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups😠 - 13th in the league😱
Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league💀 - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL 👻
Who's supposed to be the goat??
Little Johnny was late to school one day and miss brown asks, Johnny how come ur late to class and Johnny says, Miss, u wouldn’t believe it, the farmers bull got out and started fucking the white cow miss brown said Johnny don’t use that word next time you want to say that use the word “surprised”. The next day Johnny was late again and miss brown said Johnny why are you late and Johnny replied miss you wouldn’t believe it the farmers bull got out and “surprised” the whit cow, miss brown said that’s much better Jonny and Johnny said yeah walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna...-" Vortex: "You'll do what?" Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!" *Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness* Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
