Better jokes
Who’s better, Bird or Magic?
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."
Why did the cow go to space?
To get ice cream!
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
Meeting a girl at a park is good, but parking meat in girl is better.
What do Ethiopian people have better than Australians?
Internet.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.
If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!
Little Johnny was late to school one day, and Miss Brown asks, "Johnny, how come you're late to class?" And Johnny says, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and started fucking the white cow." Miss Brown said, "Johnny, don't use that word. Next time you want to say that, use the word 'surprised'."
The next day Johnny was late again, and Miss Brown said, "Johnny, why are you late?" And Johnny replied, "Miss, you wouldn't believe it. The farmer's bull got out and 'surprised' the white cow." Miss Brown said, "That's much better, Johnny." And Johnny said, "Yeah, walked straight passed it and started fucking the black one."
If you're ever bored, pee on an android. Apple is better!
Me: Spell "I cup."
My Friend: I see you pee.
Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!
My Friend: Oh hehe O-O
Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.
Please no harsh comments toward each other.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
I am like currency; people always trade me out for someone better.
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.
It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.
You know, for his sake.