Best Jokes

A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.

best friend makes 9/11 joke

you: hey my dad was inside the tower

best friend: im sorry

you: I always knew he was a great pilot

What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

What's the best way to get them out?

A blender.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it. He was the best damn pilot in saudi arabia

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

My best friend looked at my arms and said “stop sh it’s bad” then turns right around and says “you look like a tiger”

so from here on out i am now Finn the self harming tiger

19. It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

why do u have to wipe yourself with toilet paper because bugs can crawl eat your poop and drink your pee

When you going to titanic: Its a the best ship at world When you know its sinking: Its the poor ship!

Look, im innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY. But my co-polit said: hit it with ur best shot.

What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely? Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.

Who is the best a musical chairs? The kid in the wheel chair

9/11 victims are the best readers

They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds

if it is some-ones birthday say this for a joke a long time ago in a far away galaxy

YOU WERE BORN!!!!

dad: My kid just said butch but since he is a kid he said a bad word on accident *the next day* uncle: F*CK

They Laughed At My Crayon Drawing...

I Laughed At Thier Chalk Out Line.

😏

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!