Best jokes

Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?

They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

Why are cows such great dancers?

They have all the best moooves!

What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.

He was the best pilot in Arab.

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!

What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?

The hole experience.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.