See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.
Where's the best place to hide a body? In the second page of Google search results.
Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
your hair and your hairline must be best friends cause they go waaaaay back
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
My dad died in 9/11 ,he was the best pilot I have ever seen though.
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.
Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.
T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
The twin towers were the best soldiers ever. Stand together, fall together!
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, “Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?” Jon said, “I’d be half blind.” “That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?” “I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, “What would happen if I cut off one ear?” Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?” “I’d be completely blind,” Amanpreet answered. “Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?” “My hat would fall down over my eyes.”
