Being jokes

There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.

Chemistry joke: Why did the Superman being normal people when a krypton was at him?

Because krypton is "stable."

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!" When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.

She said we can still be cousins.

"Stop being racist. You wouldn't put that for blacks."

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

You cat to be kitten me right meow!

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

These nine kids were being bullied by these 10 guys in an alley. So, I thought I would help.

It was 9/11 all over again.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.

1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.

2: I'm dying, finally.

3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.

On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

What did the panther say at the poker party?

I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.