Being jokes

Glory Hole

    • Me be straight and bored.

    Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.

    Out up spending the rest of the night there.

    About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.

    ):

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    • Ghost

    • My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

    Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

  • 1

    • Game

    • My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

    Me: So tell me about it then.

    My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

    Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

    My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

    Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

    My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

    Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

    My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

    Me: My bad again. Do continue.

    My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

    Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

    My cousin: By the game.

    Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

  • 3

    • Orphan

    • Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

    Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

    Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

    Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

    Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

    Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

    Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

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    • School

    • Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.

  • 4

    • Orphan

    • Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."

    Student: "That’s sad."

    Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"

    Student: "Your parents."

    Gay

    • Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

    Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

    Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

    Fan

    • For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

    Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

    Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

    Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

    Little Johnny

    • President Joe Biden was jogging through some different jogging paths around this great county we live in and was jogging through Alabama and fell off into a swamp filled with killer alligators, and these 3 boys named Willie, Roman, and Little Johnny saw him fall in and jumped in and drug him to safety, and the president was like "Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO much. I'm gonna give you boys a reward for saving my life," and asks them what their names were and what they wanted. The first boy said, "My name's Willy, and I want to go to Disneyland," and the president said, "No problem, and I'll take you personally." The 2nd boy said, "My name's Roman, and I want an autographed pair of Air Jordan Nikes," and the president said, "No troubles at all," and the 3rd boy says, "My name's Little Johnny, and I want a power wheelchair with an awesome stereo and killer wheels," and the president says, "You don't look handicapped, Little Johnny," and Little Johnny said, "I'm not, but as soon as I tell my parents who I saved, I will be"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • 1

    • Gun

    • Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

    If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

  • 3

    • Hockey

    • Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

    It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

  • 6

    • Antifa

    • "Maga be like Antifa invaded Ukraine, but I thought Antifa was Russia, you dumb Maga chuds!"

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