Bath jokes

What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?

Vegetable soup.

What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she took a bath, the water jumped out.

I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!

I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"

My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.

I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.

Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

Are you a toaster?

'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?

A toaster.

Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.

What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?

A blood bath.

At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.