Bar jokes

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

"May I push your stool in?"

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.

A time traveler walks into a bar.

He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.

A blonde walks into a bar.

Ouch.

A Roman walks into a bar.

He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."

A hamburger walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"

The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It gets really tense.

So a blind man walks into a bar.

At least he thinks so.