Bank jokes

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?

The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?

Someone gets hurt.

What do orphans get when they go to a bank alone?

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

Your hairline be lookin' like my negative bank account balance -1,000,000.

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."