Band jokes

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"

What’s an emo's favorite singer?

Slash.

Yo mama so ugly, she made the band One Direction go the other direction!

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller.”

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

I love Little Mix.

What's the difference between Nickelback and a nickel?

A nickel is actually metal.

Why didn't the drummer play?

Because he got a percussion.

Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

You know Imagine Dragons?

Imagine draggin' these balls.

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."