Band Jokes

What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?

The Who?

I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.

She literally died a crazy bitch.

What instrument do skeletons play?

The Trombone!

What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?

Van Halen's "Jump."

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

What concert only costs 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"

"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?

When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"

You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller.”

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

What kind of band never plays music?