Banana Jokes

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. They did this one time a night.

The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said, "Eww it tastes like cheese and onions." The husband replied, "Hang on I haven't put the condom on yet."

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

moo.

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.

What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?

A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Underground Fruit Association of N&C (UGFA)?

We’re bananas!

What did 50 do when he was hungry?

58.

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.

what kind of shoes are made of banana peels? slippers.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.

But you gotta eat it!

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

Exercise?

I thought you said "extra fries!"

-A minion (you may now laugh).

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"

What do they feed a gorilla in Paris?

Ape Suzettes.