Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones so I throwaway the bent ones
your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter then it.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Whats the difference between a baby and garlic bread. I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhreriating.
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball? Because they already ate the bat~!
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimers". The old guy replies "At least I've not got cancer".
Why is USA so bad at chess
Because they already lost two towers
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said “what happened to all the parents?” She sounded so confused so i told her “its only yours kid, they left you on purpose” she cried i felt bad for a second and the thought oh well time to back to my job at the orphanage
son: can i go to my friends mum? mum: no! son: dad was right i am a son of a bitch! mum: bad news but your adopted!!
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
Why are Americans so bad a Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two Towers.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing The beer bottle says: if you break me you get one year of bad luck The mirror scoffs: oh, that's nothing, you break me and you get 7 years of bad luck. The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling? he kept making strikes
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: I've got u flowers Patient: Awww, What's the bad news? Doctor: *They're for your grave*
Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?
A: Because BB-8 it ya it's Bad:)
Oh no I feel bad for Steven Hawkins he can’t get up the stairway to heaven
