Bad jokes
Guys, I'm sorry about these bad puns. I should've kept my big Meowth shut.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!
Why is America bad at Clash Royale?
Because they can't defend their towers.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
Why are liberals so bad at playing hockey? Because it is played on ICE
Why is it that when in PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but in public when I say "blacks against whites" or "boys against girls" I'm the bad guy?
Celebrate-By- watersharky Productions and Pitbull- Mr. Worldwide Let's celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. We've been around the world, same song. Work hard, play hard, all day long. All the continents get jealous over me. You can see me 3D overseas. If you know me then you know where to find me Off in the Bahamas with a bad one behind me. Now live it up, live it up, live it up Baby pick it up, pick it up, pick it up And we gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play We gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Turn it up I've been patiently waiting for you to shake and shake it Make it or take it The point is we made it Courted by the game, call us Tom Brady And it's not our fault that we have all the ladies But it's hard to see these ladies when your middle name's Equator All around the globe, matter fact see your later They're great, we're great at world war, dominators And we're also some smooth operators, and we gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom That's the way we like to play We gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Turn it up Live it up (Live it up), don't let life live you (Live you) It's a good time (Good time), so we give you (Give you) Now live it up, live it up, live it up, live it up, live it up What you wanna do? I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Let's celebrate. Turn it up Let's celebrate.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
Me: I broke me bum.
Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Fortnite is so bad that when you try to play, trash is always in your way. LOL
Why do people have sex? Because they're dumb.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.