Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
I love all races, even the bad ones.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
