Bad jokes

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Guy: "What's the bad news?"

Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

Guy: "Good news?"

Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."

Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.

Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.

Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.

Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.

Why can't dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.

Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.

Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."

He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*

What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.

What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.

If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?

Gingervitus.

What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"

Why did Michael Jackson allow little boys to sleep in his house? Because he's bad.

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."