Bad

Bad Jokes

Humour

Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.

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  • Crime

    What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).

    Amputation

    Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."

    So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."

    Sex

    Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

    Man: "Yes!"

    Reporter: "Name?"

    Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

    Reporter: "Sex?"

    Man: "Three to five times a week."

    Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

    Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

    Reporter: "Holy cow!"

    Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

    Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

    Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

    Reporter: "Oh dear!"

    Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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  • Forehead

    People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

    I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

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  • Student

    Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

    After a while, a student stands up.

    Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

    Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

    Disease

    Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

    Patient: Good news!

    Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.

    Depression

    Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.

    Hairline

    My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

    Ham Sandwich

    A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

    Doctor

    The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

    Bad Luck

    Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.

    Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.

    Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

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  • Condom

    The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."

    The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."

    The condom just sitting there laughing.

    Orphan

    Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.

    Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

    I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

    What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

    Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

    What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.

    What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.

    What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

    What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

    What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

    What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

    What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

    Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.

    What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

    Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

    What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.

    Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

    Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

    Egg

    So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

    I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.