Bad jokes
I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.
Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.
Q: How do you see a bad joke?
A: Look in the mirror.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?
So, it was you....
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Whoever is reading this, I hope you have a good day because I feel bad you're so short.
Roses are red, Larry is bad.
I'VE GOT A GUN, get in the van!
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.
After a while, a student stands up.
Teacher: So you think you are stupid?
Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Of a bad internet connection.
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
Why did Frozone have a headache? He had brain freeze.
Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.