Back jokes
Your hairline left you because you were too ugly for your push back hairline.
Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.
Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"