Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.
"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."
"Oh no, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Oh, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back. To keep its nuts dry
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Elsa got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend wanted to try anal.
She wasn't too keen, but she just lay back and shouted "INTO THE UNKNOWN!"
Why did the squirrel swim on its back so it didn't get it's nuts wet
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer can't explore it!
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
