Baby Jokes

i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig

she started crying

How many baby’s does it take to paint a wall depends on how hard you throw it

in Little Johnny

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, “What you got there little Johnny?” “This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world.”, says Johnny. The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny and says, “Now you know that’s not true son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman’s stomach and the next morning she’ll pass a baby boy.” Little Johnny says, “Well that may be true. But one drop of this on a cats ass and he’ll pass a motorcycle!”

in Hairiness

You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby you gave it carpet burn

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Niki minaj
in Michael Jackson

POV:someone stole micheal jacksons baby: he he stole my bab he he


how do planets have a baby?

they have spasex


A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when a ugly stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her “oh baby you so hot let’s fuck” she just yells “get the fuck away you creep” he just laughs and says alright i wait down there.

I’ve lost faith in humanity.

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.

Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations


I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

in Orphan

what is the difference between a baby and a cano? i would never put a cano in my garage

King stuffff

Men built civilisations Men went to the moon Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society

Women did none of those They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines

in Orphan

What’s the difference between babies and onions… You don’t cry cutting up babies.

in Dark Humor

babies are like airstrikes they get aborted


Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby. They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him…

gay boy

whats worse than 10 babies is one dumpster… 1 baby in 10 dumpsters


Everything is made in China… except for baby girls


Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when blueface baby drops a new album