Baby

Baby Jokes

Name

How did the black woman name her 4 babies?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.

How did she differentiate them?

She called them by their last names.

Politics

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

Mama

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

Pregnancy

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Party

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

Javelin

What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?

A baby with a javelin in its head!

Hand

Recently my baby did this:

🖕🏼👶🏼🖕🏼 🎽 👖

Birth

What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.

Parent

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

Spider

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

Bowling Ball

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

Calorie

What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

Sleep

I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.

Seat

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.