Baby

Baby Jokes

Violence

What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.

Car

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

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  • Pregnancy

    The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

    Windows 10

    Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

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  • Canoe

    What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

    I would never put a canoe in my garage.

    Tree

    What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?

    That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

    Abortion

    What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

    They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

    Phrase

    What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.

    Pool

    What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

    A baby with burst armbands.

    Cock

    My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

    Cliff

    What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

    Catching it with a pitchfork.

    Tree

    What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?

    1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.

    Abortion

    Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

    Circumcision

    Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

    Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.