Baby jokes
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Memes
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.