Baby

Baby Jokes

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?

That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."