The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
