Baby jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One screams when you put it in a blender, and the other one is a cooperative little fruit.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
What did the south tower say to the baby north tower?
"Here comes the airplane!"
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
Louie Fennell.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.