Baby jokes
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Memes
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby, be mine.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 10, since my basement's still dark.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.