Baby jokes
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
A baby seal walks into a club...
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
Weenis long.
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.