What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?
A: With a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
What do Indian hip hop artists eat?
Rice rice baby.
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Butthole.
"Dick me down shorts."
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
