Baby jokes

Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

Love you baby :^

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.

Heavier babies are delivered by crane.

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

Yo mama is so nonverbal that she’s Boss Baby.

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?

Open a pizza shop 🍕

Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!

Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?

A: A clothes hanger.

"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

Why can't orphans have babies?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...

What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.