Attitude jokes
Why do people always bully orphans?
'Cause what can they do? Tell their parents?
I am a motherfucker.
Be nice.
Dark humor is like pussy: whining bitches don't get it.
All y'all weird af.
I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"
Leo is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads her, but we're forced to deal with her anyway.
Some people are such "treasures" that you just want to bury them.
You're so emo, the sun turned black.
Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
People generalize others too much.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.
I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.
"Bugger off!" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
Neona (😟): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!
Gwen (😌): Yeah well, I believe in you.
Neona (😔): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.
Gwen (😠): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!
Neona (😞): UGH fine!!!
Gwen (😉): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!
Neona (😊): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!