New Assassination Jokes - Page 4

If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?

Alive.

Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.

No one:

Literally no one:

Abraham Lincoln: *dies*

John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*

An assassin threatens a planet.

The planet remains calm.

The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...

Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.

What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?

A bullet.

What's a school shooter's favorite anime?

Assassination Classroom.

When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK

the last thing that went through abe licolins head was a bullet

What do you call a butt that kills people?

An ASSassin :)

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.