Assassination

Assassination Jokes

You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

JFK's wife trying to grab his head be like "him in heaven." Why did I marrei her? Welp, time for a devorsin'.

What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?

They were both killed by Romans.

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.

The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”

Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?

A: They were both shot in a theater.