Asked jokes

My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.

I can’t help you find orphan jokes. Maybe ask their family.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...

Yesterday I asked an emo girl if she's jealous when her phone dies.

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"

The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.

"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

A guy walks into an AA meeting and asks for a road map.

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭