Asked jokes

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?

Frisk: One knife, plz.

Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.

Waiter: You eat a knife?

Frisk: Yes.

*Waiter asking for one knife*

Waiter: Here you go.

Frisk: Thanks you.

Yo mama so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they gave her the ocean.

I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?

He said “Wynaut.”

I asked the orphan why he was crying. He didn't really say anything.

Then I asked where are your parents? He cried more. I love working at the orphanage.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

Two windmills stand at a farm. One asks the other, "What is your favorite kind of music?"

The other windmill replies, "I'm a huge metal fan!"

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

An Asian student was learning logarithm in class. He wrote down his name after the question. The teacher asked why. He replied, "My class ID is number 1."

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"

Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.

I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.