Asked jokes

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

An Asian student was learning logarithm in class. He wrote down his name after the question. The teacher asked why. He replied, "My class ID is number 1."

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.