Arrest

Arrest jokes

Pedo

    • A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

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    • Moment

    • The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

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    • Man

    • Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?

    ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.

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    • Man

    • I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

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    • Snail

    • One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.

    The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)

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    • Pervert

    • Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

    He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

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    • Office

    • A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

    A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

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    • Crack

    • I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

    My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

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    • Cop

    • How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

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    • Lawyer

    • A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

    An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."

    But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"

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    • Suspicion

    • I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

    Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

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