Ares jokes
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
Why are most dark jokes about orphans?
They can't complain to their parents.
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat... Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!" Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Why are you so white?
Because you have no lotion on.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
Suck my dick when you lay. I have to say you are gay.