Ares jokes

Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

'Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C.

My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."

I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

They are making new versions of the Star Wars films. The names have only just come out.

There is Star Wars: Attack of the Trannies, Star Wars: The Trannie Awakens, Star Wars: Rogue Trannie, Star Wars: The LGBTQ Strikes Back, and then there is Star Wars: The Last Straight Man.

What are Africans composed of?

99% Coca-Cola.

In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"

His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."

Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."

You know what orphans and I have in common? Our dads both left for the milk.

Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.

Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.

Silence...................punch!

It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.

Why are orphans so successful?

When they were told to go big or go home, they only had one option.

The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"

Are your forehead and hairline friends? 'Cause they go way back.

"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."