Ares jokes
Why are white people so white?
Because they forgot to urine on lotion.
Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Why were the Twin Towers afraid of the New York Jets?
Because they are afraid of the jet.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.
Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.
Kid 1: Aw, thanks!
Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.
"Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."
The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.
I love my job at the orphanage.
Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with kids.
Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.
The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"