Ares jokes
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
Where are the multi's? Where are they at? The placations?
What song do orphans hate?
"We Are Family."
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar? They never get old.
What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?
They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Twin towers are like identical twins, and I threw a paper airplane.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
Are you interested in it?
More than two boot branches.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first. "Moo!" says the second.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty, what happened to you?