Ares jokes
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Are people from Hamburg called Hamburgers?
Why is it ok to smack an orphan?
What are they going to do? Tell their parents!
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C!
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?
I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.
The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.
Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.
That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.
Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.
Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.
But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
Are you a wild girl, cause I want to catch you with my pokeballs?
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.