Ares jokes
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
'Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C.
Did you know? The most Black Holes in the Universe are all found in Africa!
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American?
Because Americans are really good at separating colors.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?