Ares jokes
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
What is Mexicans' favorite sport?
Cross-country.
Let's see what the orphans are gonna tell their parents about this: "Hey you buttheads, you stink!"
Looks like they didn't tell their parents.
A man walked into a bar and said, "What do you call a cum shot?"
The people running the bar said, "I don't know, nut."
The guy said, "Are you calling me a nut?"
I think they are New York Jets fans and the Jets QB helped them... That's why one of them was off target.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
Children are like pills.
The smaller they are, the easier they are to take.
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.
You know all these hairline jokes are good but are very rude, but your hairline is built like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
Most of these jokes are plane, but they still hit.
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.
Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
Why does everyone say there are mines in Bosnia? There are no-