Ares jokes
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
Why are mountains so funny? -- Because they are hill areas.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
3.14% of sailors are pirates.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.