Ares jokes
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
Why are mountains so funny? Because they're hill-arious! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, very funny!
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
These are ear-retcal jokes...
Fail.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.
We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"