Ares jokes

How are babies and watermelons similar?

They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?

The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I know a pedophile,

And he says he knows you.

Student asks teacher, "If I throw an apple and noodles, which one will fall first?"

Teacher replied, "I don't know."

Then student replied, "Noodles will fall first because noodles are fast foods!"

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)

Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.

I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂

A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

"We're going with Trevor."

"Ok, what if it's a girl?"

"Then we'll have an abortion."

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Trump's cabinet are like panties. Some crawl up your butt, some snap under pressure, and some actually cover your butt when you need them.

How do you put "blonde" and "duh" in the same sentence? Just say, "Blondes are dumb."

The twin towers are like water bottles.

It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.

People are like tequila glasses,

you gotta shoot them down fast.

Are we supposed to submit jokes?

This website.

Also, how did Trump's wall let this website in?

A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?