Ares jokes
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!
If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, does that mean your pants are tucked into your shirt?
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Arby's fast food and abortion clinic: Your dead babies are our taters and gravy.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?
symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?
angela: Because you are the thot of the group.
symple: Well it takes one to know one.
symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"
angela: FUCK OFF!
We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.