Ares jokes
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?
Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
There are different types of Pokémon.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.
If Donald Trump is running against Bill Clinton, it's safe to say that we are witnessing the Lolita Express Erections...oops, I mean Elections.
What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?
The pussies are limited edition.
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
It's no surprise Donald Trump moved to Florida. That's where the oranges are.
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"